Christi are u doing ok?

Well it's sad how some songs express my feelings exactly...This song it's like it was written for me...Everything described has happened to me and the most ironic part?My name is actually Christi... =\The part that gets me the most every single time is where he sings :
Oh clouds of time seem to rain on innocence left behind...It never goes away...Can you stay strong?Can you go on?Christi are you doing ok?A rose that won't bloom winter's kept you - don't waste your whole life trying to get back what was taken away...
Made me cry the very first time...It's sad having to deal everyday with the pain...And hard...I decided to go on...It helps me get through the day...I turned into poetry and express my feelings through writing...I wrote a lot of sad poems describing my situation...I have one talking about a fall's day it says everything but in a way I can only understand...I never let anyone see what's really going on with me...Somewhere deep inside smt has been taken from me and since then I'm not the same person.I used to be full of hope,loving bright colors,listening to bright music,I used to be full of joy and love...Not anymore...Really now?None of these matters...I am who I am and I know now after a long time of denial we can't change our past and some wounds are supposed to never heal...The pain will still linger no matter what...All you can do?Keep dealing with it...Someday,maybe it won't hurt this much...I can't erase my past...I wish I could...It's just my little dark secret...I chose not to tell anyone,trying to forget...I don't wanna be seen as a heroine or people pity me...Everyone knows I have a dark side they just don't know why...And they will never find out either...Nothing more,nothing less...

I'm outta love,set me free!

Now baby come on
Don't claim that love you never let me feel
I should've known
Cause you've brought nothing real
Come on be a man about it
You won't die
I ain't got no more tears to cry
And I can't take this no more
You know I gotta let it go
And you know

I'm outta love
Set me free
And let me out this misery
Just show me the way
To get my life again
Cause you can't handle me
I'm outta love
Can't you see
Baby that you've gotta set me free
I'm outta love

Said how many times
Have I tried to turn this love around?
But every time you just let me down
Come on be a man about it
You'll survive
True that you can work it out all right
Tell me
Yesterday did you know
I'd be the one to let you go?
And you know

I'm outta love
Set me free
And let me out this misery
Just show me the way
To get my life again
Cause you can't handle me
I'm outta love
Can't you see
Baby that you've gotta set me free
I'm outta love

Let me get over you
The way you've gotten over me too, yeah
Seems like my time has come
And now I'm moving on
I'll be strong yeah

I'm outta love
Set me free
And let me out this misery
Just show me the way
To get my life again
Cause you can't handle me
I'm outta love
Can't you see
Baby that you've gotta set me free
I'm outta love


Bloody,vain,shallow,stupid,son of a bitch,asshole,idiotic fool,etc!!The list could go on but I don't wanna waste space just to make your little face important...You wanted me as your back-up...Boy I ain't the second choice I am the first...When I told you to answer me you never did saying you wanted time and crap...You never told me you didn't love me but you never told me that you love me either...I was such a fool...Well that's what love does to you,right?Makes you blind?Well now he can go have fun with his bleach-blonde-slutty-barbie-like-girl and leave me the fuck alone...You wanted someone stupid well go ahead...I'm not gonna be there this time...I had enough...Boys are soo stupid sometimes...But let me tell you something last you are the one who's lost...With how many barbies have you gone out the last 7 months?The longest that relationship lasted was 1 month!Especially your latest relationship lasted like 25 hours?I am shocked! =o I would never wish bad things but really now I can't wish you well...See you again in hell!! =) Life goes on and it's not like I fucking needed you in the first place... =)

Woo hoo!!

Now I remembered why I don't have blogs...I always forget to update them... xD Whatever...Randomness starts here...Well first of all school is over!!Like freaking over!! *yay* I mean finally!!I got sooo tired of it...Btw exams weren't such a disaster (my maths,physics and chemistry exams were but who cares for these crappy lessons?)...Then I took my german exams for B2 (holy mother of distraction fingers crossed I passed - my teacher was lousy and taught us nothing! =@ ) and english!I rocked my english exams!Especially the oral part!I was talking and talking and talking!The examiners and I had a great conversation!So that's enough with personal/school-related crap... xD Grey's Anatomy season 6 finale!!That's a topic I have a lot to say but I'm gonna summarise it all in two words : FREAKING EPIC!! Enough said...MerDer = pure love!The two hour final was extraordinary!Full of drama and love and everything!That's why I watch Grey's people...Shonda rocks even though I have a love-hate relationship with her I admit that she is great!Now I'm dying till September for 7th season to start...*hint for Shonda*Plz pick up from where you left offfff *puppy eyes*!And now comes my greatest love : Anastacia!Well not that excited with her latest duet with Dima Bilan but I'm soooo glad she is in the spotlight again...Now I am waiting to see the videoclip which sounds pretty interesting...And dying to see her star in the movie "All you can Dream"!She looks stunning in a pic I saw the other day!! (L) Anywayz I should stop writing before I get all excited and everything! =P Btw it's offical SUMMER IS HERE!! ♥

PS : Don't forget you can stalk me in those pages

www.facebook.com/freakychristi
www.myspace.com/freakychristi
www.twitter.com/freakychristi
www.livejournal.com/datf
www.youtube.com/freakychristi

Yay!!!

*random post starts here* Oh my greys!!!I'm freaking excited!!!I received my german certificate today!!!*yay* And yesterday the play we did was cool...I actually hated myself (not a surprise...I always find what I do crappy) but oh my,the other guys were exceptional!!Especially the girl after me(Maria) was my fav...I also loved the poem she had to learn...The theatre was full,btw...♥ And afterwards we went out...Well,we had an awesome time!!We played dare or truth which was so f*cking funny!!Poor teachers... xD *random post stops here*

My life those days...

Ok,must admit things are tough(that's exacty the reason I adapted "The president of ppl with crappy lives" from Grey's)...I feel like I have no time at all and exhausted...Some days I can't even get out of bed because of the tiredness...Should expect that...Two freakin important english exams coming the next 4 months,german exams coming and school tests are driving me nuts...I really need a break...And like I didn't have all those stuff I had a panic attack again...It's like the third one this school year...This time while we were doing a speaking for my english exams...I hate the symptoms - this whole sweating and shaking,then my heart is pounding so hard it hurts,the sensation of smothering and last but not least the dizzines...Pfff...Sucks big time...Oh well at least I have some peace and quiet in my personal life and I'm all glued back together now...Mary (used to be a good friend since 3rd grade but now we're like besties) and I have a lot of fun...We go out,we study,we talk and do almost everything together...Now you may be wondering why the buck am I talking about her...Well,just when my ex-bestie got that I don't give a damn about her anymore and I'm so over all the things she did to me tried to tear us apart and take Mary by her side which of course didn't work cos Mary never betrayed me and she didn't really want to try that now...She saw that and she went and did another stupid,idiotic thing that I'm no gonna write down right now cos I'm pretty bored...She's pathetic if she thinks she is bringing me down this time...I made a mistake by breaking down once not gonna do that again for a person who doesn't deserve it after all...Anywayz blah,blah,blah,who cares?Btw tomoz no school!!!Awesomely awesome!!Going to wake up late and watch Grey's Anatomy and maybe finish the book I'm reading atm and then go meet Mary (that day rocks ♥)...Now going to bed...*yawn*

Tragedy (U)

Grey's latest sneak peek...

Just watched Grey's Anatomy latest sneak peek with MerDer...Oh my grey's!I just remembered why I adore McDreamy(aka Patrick Dempsey) and Merdith(Ellen Pompeo) as a couple... <3 I can't freaking wait til "I like you so much better when you're naked" (that's the episode title) airs... <3



P.S I want my personal McDreamy... <3