My life those days...

Ok,must admit things are tough(that's exacty the reason I adapted "The president of ppl with crappy lives" from Grey's)...I feel like I have no time at all and exhausted...Some days I can't even get out of bed because of the tiredness...Should expect that...Two freakin important english exams coming the next 4 months,german exams coming and school tests are driving me nuts...I really need a break...And like I didn't have all those stuff I had a panic attack again...It's like the third one this school year...This time while we were doing a speaking for my english exams...I hate the symptoms - this whole sweating and shaking,then my heart is pounding so hard it hurts,the sensation of smothering and last but not least the dizzines...Pfff...Sucks big time...Oh well at least I have some peace and quiet in my personal life and I'm all glued back together now...Mary (used to be a good friend since 3rd grade but now we're like besties) and I have a lot of fun...We go out,we study,we talk and do almost everything together...Now you may be wondering why the buck am I talking about her...Well,just when my ex-bestie got that I don't give a damn about her anymore and I'm so over all the things she did to me tried to tear us apart and take Mary by her side which of course didn't work cos Mary never betrayed me and she didn't really want to try that now...She saw that and she went and did another stupid,idiotic thing that I'm no gonna write down right now cos I'm pretty bored...She's pathetic if she thinks she is bringing me down this time...I made a mistake by breaking down once not gonna do that again for a person who doesn't deserve it after all...Anywayz blah,blah,blah,who cares?Btw tomoz no school!!!Awesomely awesome!!Going to wake up late and watch Grey's Anatomy and maybe finish the book I'm reading atm and then go meet Mary (that day rocks ♥)...Now going to bed...*yawn*

Tragedy (U)

Grey's latest sneak peek...

Just watched Grey's Anatomy latest sneak peek with MerDer...Oh my grey's!I just remembered why I adore McDreamy(aka Patrick Dempsey) and Merdith(Ellen Pompeo) as a couple... <3 I can't freaking wait til "I like you so much better when you're naked" (that's the episode title) airs... <3



P.S I want my personal McDreamy... <3

...The art of suicide...(U)

This is by far my fav Emilie Autumn song...Btw when she says "Life is not like Gloomy Sunday with a second ending when the people are disturbed" she refers to the song "Gloomy Sunday" or the "Hungarian Suicide Song" as it's called because in the English version there's a second verse which is kinda "happier" than the rest of the song...



The art of suicide
Nightgowns and hair
Curls flying every which where
The pain too pure to hide
Bridges of Sighs
Meant to conceal lover's lies
Under the arches
Of moonlight and sky
Suddenly easy
To contemplate why
Why...

Why live a life
That's painted with pity
And sadness and strife
Why dream a dream
That's tainted with trouble
And less than it seems
Why bother bothering
Just for a poem
Or another sad song to sing
Why live a life
Why live a life

The art of suicide
Pretty and clean
Conveys a theatrical scene
"Alas, I'm gone!" she cried
Ankles displayed
Melodramatically laid
Under the arches
Of moonlight and sky
Suddenly easy
To contemplate why
Why...

Why live a life
That's painted with pity
And sadness and strife
Why dream a dream
That's tainted with trouble
And less than it seems
Why bother bothering
Just for a poem
Or another sad song to sing
Why live a life
Why live a life

Life is not like Gloomy Sunday
With a second ending
When the people are disturbed
Well they should be disturbed
Because there's a story
That ought to be heard
Life is not like a gloomy Sunday
With a second ending
When the people are disturbed
Well they should be disturbed
Because there's a lesson
That really ought to be learned

The world is full of poets
We don't need any more
The world is full of singers
We don't need any more
The world is full of lovers
We don't need any more...

My fav quotes...

After deciding to care about this blogie thing I thought it would be nice to post my fav quotes...I also decided to add some lyrics from my fav songs... Warning: As a HUGE Grey's Anatomy fan expect many quotes from Meredith Grey (which I adore!)... <3

It's not about winning,it's just about fighting...(Anastacia)

I'm not to fall...I'm not falling anytime soon...And if I do you better believe I'll go down fighting...(Anastacia)

To make a difference is just...I think...the purpose of what life is...(Anastacia)

I'm a klutz-I will fall because air is there...(Anastacia)

Disappearances happen...Pains go phantom,blood stops running and people...people fade away...There's more I have to say...So much more...But...I've disappeared...(Meredith Grey)

Maybe we like the pain.Maybe we're wired that way.Because without it,I don't know maybe we just wouldn't feel real.What's that saying?Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?Because it feels so good when I stop...(Meredith Grey)

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.(Meredith Grey)

Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.(Meredith Grey)

Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate...(Meredith Grey)

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it...(Meredith Grey)

Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.”...(Meredith Grey)

I've heard that it's possible to grow up - I've just never met anyone who's actually done it...(Meredith Grey)

Change.We don't like it.We fear it,but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. It hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying, but here's the truth sometimes the more things change the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is everything...(Meredith Grey)

We're adults,when did that happen and how do we make it stop? (Meredith Grey)

Where do we go from here?I wish I could disappear...I'm a lonely soul so far from home...(Where do I belong? - Anastacia)

The shattered memories time will soon erase...Only souvenirs,salt from a thousand tears but when I wake up you are never there... (Pieces of a dream - Anastacia)

I've had my share of pleasure and I've tasted pain...I never thought that I would touch an angel's wings...There's a journey in my eyes it's getting hard for me to hide like the ocean at the sunrise...(Heavy on my heart - Anastacia)

Progress,changing,growing then giving up...Somehow we're never quite prepared - but I understand it... (Tragedy - Brandi Carlile)

My will to quickly end it all set front row in my need to fall...(Into the ocean - Blue October)

Intelligent girls are more depressed because they know what the world is really like...(Opheliac - Emilie Autumn)

I like to think I wouldn't die for you but you know I would cos that's the fool I am and that's the rule you bent...Absent in the end my fairweather friend...(My fairweather friend - Emilie Autumn)

Places everyone this is a test,throw your stones,do your damage,your worst and your best...All the world is a judge but that doesn't compare to what I do to myself when you're not there...(God Help me - Emilie Autumn)


More to come.... ;)

Change is so damn good...

Haven't been around for a while now...Not my fault - busy scedule...Not much going on either...Just stopped liking my bestie(which now I should call ex-bestie,right?)...And passed my german exams...Change came this year and screwed up my life but I must admit I really needed it...I was stuck there not moving just breathing and change punched me in the face and made me realize some things I should have realized long ago...My ex bestie for example...Jeez she's a total stranger to me today...She's desperately trying to fit in a company and so she started smoking (which sucks!),started watching movies she didn't really like, stopped eating some kinds of food that her new "friends" don't like, etc...She also started saying bad things about me behind my back - something I never expected from her...I must admit I broke down...I've been crying every single night for a month or something...But then one day I woke up and decided not to care,after all she's not the person I used to know and adore...So I decided to let change come in...I changed my haircut,my clothes,my room and most of all I decided not to let anyone ever again walk all over me...Oh well I must admit now I'm happy...I have friends and i may sound mean but I really know that one day she'll understand that she had a diamond and she threw it away just to gather some random stones...Ok,that's all...I got it out!